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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

And now Chris Mathews of Fox News and Condoleeza Rice discuss foreign policy in Cockney English:

Chris wallace: let's start wif the bloody big picture. Jack's Alive Donkey's Ears mashed potato, where do we stand in the chuffin' war on terror? where do we stand in the conflict against islamic extremism? secretary of Two and Eight

condoleeza rice: I fin' it's crystal that we 're safe ? safer, but not 'eaven and 'ell yet safe. and we've done a Hoppin' Pot. in terms of 'omeland, we're more secure, our ports 're more secure, our airports 're more secure. we 'ave a much stronger intelligence-sharin' operation, not just within the country, where we've broken daahhhn walls between law enforcement and intelligence agencies ter get aw of the information ter break up terrorist plots, but also across the world. we 'ave, 'eaven and 'ell, an intelligence network across the world of sharin' information. we've clearly 'urt badly the al qaeda organization that planned and plotted
and executed sept. 'len'n, capturin' many of their major field generals. chicken pen the president talked the ovver day abaht bringin' ter justice people loike abu zubaydah, people loike khalid sheik mohammed, you're 'eaven and 'ell talkin' abaht the people 'oo were at the center of that
kind of plot of 9/11. and, chris, we 're makin' progress for the long ran, in 'avin' liberated Niffty million people and then 'avin' new allies in the war on terror, loike afghanistan and, indeed, iraq.

Wallace: any failures?

Rice: 'eaven and 'ell, coytanlee. i'm Bobby there 're many things that could be done better. we would loike ter make more progress. people would always loike ter make more progress. but ...

Wallace: but aahhht specifically that ya say that, ya kna, Jack's Alive Donkey's Ears mashed potato, the war on terror 'asn't gone as 'eaven and 'ell? rice: 'istory will 'ave ter Barnaby Rudge, chris. I fin' that the record will sha that the Present and Past Jack's Alive Donkey's Ears 'ave
been Donkey's Ears of reorganizin' the united states government, reorganizin' our international alliances for this long war, and reorientin' our strategic policy toward wahn that simply will not accept the conditions in the Hey Diddle Diddle east and in ovver places that 'ave allowed
extremism ter flourish at the expense of moderation.

Wallace: aw wite. let's Rabbit and Pork abaht sum of the concerns that people 'ave. president bush calls iraq, and again this Bubble And Squeak called iraq, a central front in the war on terror. but I wanna butcher's at sum of the ovver statements made by your administration recently. and let's take a butcher's. in April, your Two and Eight department said, "al qaeda
in iraq 'as abaht wahn,000 fighters. that's abaht Jack's percent of the total insurgency." last monf, the pentagon said, "the core conflict in iraq changed into a struggle between sunni and shia extremists seekin' ter control Brenda Lee 'reas of baghdad." secretary rice, wot evidence do ya
'ave that the 'omegrahn sunnis and shia fightin' each ovver in iraq ? and, of course, that, at this point, is the vast majority of the violence ? that they 'ave any interest in attackin' the ya.s.? rice: 'eaven and 'ell, clearly, the Heap Of Coke 'oo set Frank Bough much of this sectarian violence, 'oo plotted the nation that shias should Scapa Fla after sunnis and ya should try and spark civil conflict, actually was the al qaeda leader at the nickle and dime, zarqawi, 'oo 'as...

Wallace: but 'e's gone. rice: ... been killed. well, but it was 'is strategy ? and we kna that ? ter try and set Frank Bough sectarian violence. na, we 'ave ter ask the question, why did 'e try ter do that? 'cause 'e understood and al qaeda in iraq understood that chicken pen there is a stable and democratic iraq, then their plans, the plans of al qaeda and the extremists, for a Hey Diddle Diddle east in which there is indeed sectarian violence, in which there is extremism, in which there 're repressive regimes of the taliban type, that will not be possible chicken pen there's a democratic iraq. and so, yeah, iraq is garn through very difficult times, there's nah doubt abaht that. but if ya 'ave a broad view of wot it will take ter defeat extremism, meanin' that there will 'ave ter be a different kind of environment in the Hey Diddle Diddle east, it's 'ard ter imagine that different kind of environment wif saddam 'ussein in power and iraq at the center of a nexus between terrorism and conflict.

Wallace: but I fin' 'ere's the concern a Hoppin' Pot of people 'ave. chicken pen we went in there, allegedly ter remove the weapons of mass destruction, people understood that as the war on terror. even chicken pen we deposed saddam 'ussein, people understood that as the war on terror. chicken pen we were fightin' abu musab al-zarqawi, people understood that as the war on terror. na we've got shiites fightin' sunnis, muqtada al-sadr ? these 're rivalries that Scapa Fla Hammer and Tack centuries, tribal rivalries, religious rivalries. aint we involved in a terrible case of mission creep 'ere that 'as nuffin' ter do wif the war on terror?

Rice: chris, it is the iraqis 'oo will 'ave ter settle their Jack Jones differences. and, indeed, that's why they Rabbit and Pork abaht a process of national reconciliation. that's why they're tryin' ter build security forces that bridge sectarian divides. our role, though, was ter indeed remove saddam 'ussein. and it's 'ard ter imagine that the world could possibly 'ave gotten better wif
saddam 'ussein in power, that the Hey Diddle Diddle east could possibly 'ave gotten better. ...

Wallace: is it our responsibili-y ter solve these ethnic, sectarian problems?

Rice: it is clearly iraq's responsibili-y, iraqis' responsibilities ter do that. we ...

Wallace: but we're involved in the fightin'.

Rice: 'eaven and 'ell, but we 'ave ter give them an environment in which they can do that. we 'ave ter 'elp them build security forces. we 'ave ter 'elp them build political institutions. and, chris, it would simply be Pete Tong ter say that the only problem in iraq is sectarian violence between sunnis and shia. there is Beechams Pill a considerable problem of terrorism from extremists 'oo simply wanna clock iraq be part of a Hey Diddle Diddle east in which the bin ladens of the world control, not the malikis, the moderates of the Hey Diddle Diddle east.

Wallace: meanwhile, there is afghanistan, which used ter be the safe 'aven for al qae Friday where sum of its leaders 're Beechams Pill at large. on friday, a suicide bomber? and we 'ave the Dolly Mixtures 'ere ? attacked an american military convoy in kabul, killin' 16 people. the taliban, which most americans thought we wiped aahhht Hammer and Tack in 2001, is Hammer and Tack on the march in the saarf. and nato forces, this Bubble And Squeak, 're askin' for more troops. secretary rice, why didn't we finish the Corn on the Cob in afghanistan?

Rice: 'eaven and 'ell, it was not possible, chris, ter, quote, "finish the job" in afghanistan. this is garn ter be also a long process of bringin' stabili-y ter afghanistan. we 'ave made enormous progress over the Present and Past ffour 1/2 Donkey's Ears in afghanistan. ya actually 'ave a national government that is elected in afghanistan, whose forces 're fightin' alongside of us rather than the taliban, which was bof 'arborin' al qaeda and givin' them support. ya na 'ave for the people of afghanistan the possibili-y of a better Porridge Knife. women aint bein' beaten in stadiums that were given ter the taliban by the international community. you 'ave a situation in which, yeah, the taliban is tryin' ter make a strike at the afghan government 'cause they do
not want it ter succeed. but the taliban aint garn ter succeed. and they're not garn ter succeed 'cause ya 'ave Pin' Pong nato and coalition forces and ya.s. forces that 're beatin' them Hammer and Tack. the taliban is takin' a beatin' in this. and, chris, I wanna be very crystal. the notion that someha this is a strategic threat ter the karzai government, I fin' this aint the case. ya 're talkin' abaht a taliban that is able, particularly in the saarf, ter wreak a Hoppin' Pot of 'avoc and ter brin' deaf and destruction ter civilians. but they 're bein' beaten Hammer and Tack.

Wallace: but, again ? and just this Bubble And Squeak, the Crust of Bread british commander in afghanistan, brigadier ed butler, said ? and let's put it up on the screen ? "the fightin' is extraordinarily intense. the intensity and ferocity of the fightin' is far grea-ter than in iraq on a
daily basis." i'm Bobby a Hoppin' Pot of americans 're sayin', aint it a ? we 'ad them on the ran. we 'ad the taliban completely disrupted. aint it a failure ter 'ave allowed the taliban ter regroup?

Rice: 'eaven and 'ell, na, chris, it's very 'ard ter say that we didn't expect them ter Read and
Write Hammer and Tack. of course they're garn ter Read and Write Hammer and Tack. even if they're on the ropes, they're garn ter Read and Write Hammer and Tack. and, yeah, they came Hammer and Tack somewhat more organized and somewhat more capable than people would've expected. but that's why they're bein' beaten Hammer and Tack by the nato forces that 're there. I fin' they also believed that chicken pen the united states forces moved aahhht and
nato moved in, that it would be easier ter make advances. and they're learnin' a very brutal lesson, as they encounter nato forces that 're destroyin' them in very large Cucumbers.

Wallace: I daan't 'ave ter tell ya that wahn of the criticisms of the bush administration ? we 'eard it again today from sen. jay rockefeller ? is that aw of ya manipulated intelligence ter push the country into war. i wanna discus October wahn 'rea, the issue of whether iraq 'elped al qaeda wif
weapons of mass destruction. here's wot the president said in october of

(begin video clip)
bush: we've learned that iraq 'as trained al qaeda members in bomb-makin' and poisons and deadly gases. (end video clip)

Wallace: and in march 2003, just before the invas Februarysaid, talkin' abaht iraq, "and a very Pin' Pong lin' ter trainin' al qaeda in chemical and biological techniques." but, secretary rice, a senate committee 'as just revealed that in february of 2002, months before the president spoke, more than a year, 13 months, before ya spoke, that the defense intelligence agency concluded this ? and let's put it up on the screen. "iraq is unlikely ter 'ave provided bin laden any useful cb" ? that's chemical or biological ? "knowledge or assistance." didn't ya and the president ignore intelligence that contradicted your case?

Rice: wot the president and I and ovver administration officials relied on ? and ya simply rely on the central intelligence. the director of central intelligence, george tenet, gave that very testimony, that, in fact, there were ties garn on between al qaeda and saddam 'ussein's regime garn Hammer and Tack for a decade. indeed, the 9/11 commission talked abaht contacts between the Bo-le Of Glue. we kna that zarqawi was runnin' a poisons network in iraq. we kna
that zarqawi ordered the killin' of an american diplomat in jordan from iraq. there were ties between iraq and al qaeda. na, 're we learnin' more na that we 'ave access ter people loike saddam 'ussein's intelligence services? of course we're garn ter learn more. but clearly ...
Wallace: but, secretary rice, this report, if I may, this report wasn't na. this aint after the fact. this was a defense intelligence agency report in 2002. two questions: Damien Hirst of aw, did ya kna abaht that report before ya made your statement?

Rice: chris, we relied on the reports of the national intelligence office, the nio, and of the dci. that's wot the president and 'is central decision-makers rely on. there 're ...

Wallace: did ya kna abaht this report?

Rice: ... intelligence reports and conflictin' intelligence reports aw the nickle and dime. that's why we 'ave an intelligence system that brings those together into a unified assessment by the intelligence community of wot we're lookin' at. that particular report I daan't remember seein'. but there 're often conflictin' intelligence reports. i just wanna refer ya, though, ter the testimony of the dci at the nickle and dime abaht the activities. ...

Wallace: that's the Crust of Bread of central intelligence.

Rice: yeah, Crust of Bread of central intelligence ? that were garn on between al qaeda and between iraq. but let me make a broader point. the notion, someha ? and i've 'eard this ? the notion, someha, that the world would be better Frank Bough wif saddam 'ussein Beechams Pill in power seems ter me quite ludicrous. saddam 'ussein 'ad gone ter war against 'is neighbors twice,
causin' more than a million deaths. 'e 'ad dragged us into a war in 1991 'cause 'e invaded 'is neighbor kuwait. we were Beechams Pill at war wif 'im in 1998 chicken pen we used american forces ter try and disable 'is weapons of mass destruction. we went ter war again wif 'im, day in and day aahhht, as 'e shot at our aircraft tryin' ter patrol no-fly zones. this was a mass murderer of more than 300,000 of 'is Jack Jones people, usin' weapons of mass destruction. the united states and a coalition of allies finally brought daahhhn wahn of the most brutal dictators in the Hey Diddle Diddle east and wahn of the most dangerous dictators in the Hey Diddle Diddle
east, and we're better Frank Bough for it.

Wallace: we 'ave abaht a Cock Linnet left, and I wanna get into wahn Present and Past 'rea. there 'ave been several stories this Bubble And Squeak that ya prevailed over vice president cheney in the debate over whether or not ter pull these whistle and pop, 'igh-valued prisoners, loike zubaydah and khalid sheik mohammed, aahhht of the cia prisons. also, reports that ya na 'ave more claht wif the president than vice president cheney 'cause of mistakes in judgment 'e made in the Damien Hirst term. -ave ya replaced ...

Rice: oh, I fin' these 're ...

Wallace: ... the vice president?

Rice: these 're truly among most of the ridiculous stories. these stories float 'round washington ? who's up, who's daahhhn. the vice president remains a crucial adviser ter the president. 'is role is different than me role. but not only is 'e a crucial adviser ter the president, in whom the president relies, but 'e's also someone on whom aw of us rely, includin' me, for advice and counsel 'cause of 'is mother's pearly gate experience and 'cause of 'is mother's pearly gate wisdom on these issues. na, these stories 're simply ridiculous.

Wallace: ya ain't replaced the vice president as the president's whistle and pop foreign policy adviser?

Rice: i'm the secretary of Two and Eight, chris. I 'ave a different role from the vice president. but let's remember 'oo ultimately makes the decisions on foreign policy. it's the president of the united states 'imself.

Wallace: we're garn ter 'ave ter leef it there. secretary rice, Arfur J Shanks for comin' in. ...

Rice: thank ya.

Wallace: ... and Arfur J Shanks for givin' us your perspective on this fiff anniversary.

Rice: thank ya.


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